I-Messages: Pass the Ball, Rewrite the Complaint

In pairs and on the move, while passing a basketball, students turn real game complaints into I-messages: “I feel… when… and I'd like…”. They practice passing and a useful formula for voicing frustration without attacking.

How to play

1. Chest and bounce passes in pairs while moving across the court (3 min).
2. Explain the formula with an example: from “You never pass to me!” to “I feel left out when I don't get the ball; I'd like you to look for me when I'm open” (3 min).
3. Each pair takes a complaint card from the cone; make three passes, and on the third the receiver says the rewritten complaint (6 min).
4. Swap cards between pairs and pass on the run with dribbles; the listener answers with an accepting phrase: “Okay, I'll try” (5 min).
5. Each pair shares its best message with the class (3 min).

Rules

• Pass from 3–5 m and never throw hard at someone's face.
• The formula never includes “you always” or “you never.”
• Take turns speaking: the person with the ball talks.
• Pairs move in the same direction so they don't cross paths.

Variations

Adaptations

• Wheelchair users: short chest passes while the partner moves around them.
• Deaf or hard-of-hearing students: the formula on a big card, and the partner speaks face to face.
• Students who find speaking hard: may write the message on the card and read it.

Learning goals

• Turn complaints into assertive I-messages.
• Listen to a complaint without getting defensive.
• Improve chest and bounce passes on the move.

Equipment for a class of 25

• basketballs: 15
• complaint cards: 30
• cones: 6

Teacher tip

Collect real complaints from the class the week before, without names. Common mistake: “I feel that you…”; correct them so they name an actual emotion.

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